Stop It. Overthinking.

(I got my license at 36 with anxiety — and I think that's why I'm actually a good driver)

I finally got my license at 36 years old. At the DMV — not for the first time, not even for the second — and it only took me I think 4 written tests because I let one or two expire, and 2 driving because I didn't pass the first one, because I swear that old man that gave me the test was on a failing-everyone streak that day. And I have no shame about that.

If anything, I think the anxiety, the overthinking, the years of watching other people drive while I catalogued every possible thing that could go wrong; all of it made me the cautious, aware, genuinely good driver I am today or the good driver I feel that I am.

Society always made me feel like I had to have it, and people all around me, including relatives, close friends, acquaintances, employers, and just nosy people would tell me to get my license, that it meant independence. This blog is for everyone who got the side-eye at the DMV or the well-meaning nudge from a family member or the 'you still don't drive??' at a party. We know. We always knew. We just needed a little more time, a little more of the feeling of safety, and sometimes; a little more money, because driving lessons are not free and cars are not free and nobody talks about that.

The Journey (Yes, There Were Multiple Attempts)

Round One

The first time I went for my license, I actually did pretty well behind the wheel. My instructor was a good teacher. She was supportive, she was honest, and she told me I would be fine if I kept practicing. I believed her.

But the DMV examiner? Not it. He was the kind of man who had probably failed people for sport. He failed the person in front of me. He failed me too; citing an unsafe turn. Was it unsafe? Honestly, I'm not sure I agree, but that's neither here nor there.

The real problem was that I didn't have a car. Without a car, there's no practice. Without practice, there's no confidence. And without confidence, I put it off. And off. And off.

Round Two

I tried again later with a Peruvian instructor who conducted most of her lessons in Spanish, which, fine, I'm bilingual, that's not the issue. The issue is she gave me anxiety; and not the productive kind. Her teaching style didn't click for me, the feedback wasn't clear, and instead of building me up, our sessions left me feeling more rattled than when I started. I quit before we even got to the actual test.

And then I let more time pass. Because sometimes that's what you do when something feels too big and too scary and the anxiety just gets too high. This is how I ended up talking myself into just continuing to work the job I had right after I graduated from my undergraduate, and went on through my Master's Degree program at NYU, and if we know one thing about NYU, it's that it was in New York City, and I wouldn't need a car… or at least need to know how to drive.

Round Three — The One That Counted

This past time, I was 36. And I want to be honest about something: I hated the written test. Not because I don't know how to study; I have a Master's degree, I think I can handle a multiple choice exam. I hated it because anxiety turns everything into a life-or-death overthinking spiral. Every question felt like a trap. My brain was running laps.

But here's what I eventually told myself, in the least insulting way I can say it: there are genuinely bad drivers on this road every single day. People who have never thought once about what they're doing. People who blow through stop signs on autopilot. People who text. And those people passed their test. So I, with a Master's degree, with anxiety that makes me hyperaware of literally everything around me, should be able to do this.

Still, up until a few months before I got my license, people kept at it: you should get your license, just for emergencies, you can do it, you need to have it — like, ok I get it, but shut up. It's so tiring to hear, especially when you are overwhelmed and overstimulated and anxious about life. Luckily I was able to leave a toxic job soon after, and then after my vacation, I got to work and took my driving classes, and I got my license in July. I started actually driving in September. And now, several months in, I have something I did not expect: confidence.

To Everyone Who Keeps Reminding People to Get Their License

A gentle but firm note: please STOP.

People know. They know they need a license. They know it would be helpful in an emergency. They know it opens up job opportunities and independence and all of it. They don't need the reminder at the family dinner or the group chat or the random Tuesday.

What they might need, and what nobody asks about, is money. Driving lessons cost real money. Cars cost real money. Insurance costs real money. Access to a patient, willing person to practice with costs social currency that not everyone has. Not everyone grew up in a household where teaching you to drive was part of the deal.

So before you say it again, ask yourself if what you're offering is actually help, or just a reminder that they're behind on a timeline they never agreed to.

And if you genuinely want to help, really, truly help, feel free to contribute to their driving lesson fund. Venmo them. Offer to split the cost of a class. That is helpful. That is something that will actually move the needle. I promise they will remember it.

At this point in my life, I was lucky enough that I didn't have to pay for my lessons, my fiancé truly came through for me, and helped me. Again, I am 36 and can't drive. He wanted me to really learn and he didn't want to teach me, he wanted to get me real lessons and learn from a teacher properly. And I am forever grateful because as inexpensive as they were in comparison to other courses, they weren't cheap. He is the best.

Why I Think Anxious People Are Actually Better Drivers

Okay, I'm going to say the thing: I think my anxiety makes me a good driver. And there's actually research to back this up, kind of.

People with anxiety tend to be hypervigilant; constantly scanning for threats, anticipating what could go wrong, monitoring their environment in a way that most people don't bother to do.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, hypervigilance is a heightened state of awareness rooted in the brain's threat-detection system. _[1] Behind the wheel, that means I am always looking. Always checking mirrors. Always aware of the car three lanes over that's been drifting. Always noticing that the truck in front of me has unsecured things in its bed and I should move over now, thank you, Final Destination did not leave me without lessons.

Research published in Applied Ergonomics found that anxiety and driving experience interact in complex ways; experienced anxious drivers tend to compensate for their anxiety by increasing attentional effort, which can actually result in more focused, deliberate driving behavior. _[2]

A separate study found that people with higher anxiety scores tended to engage in what researchers call exaggerated safety behaviors; checking mirrors more often, leaving more space, driving more deliberately. _[3] Taken too far, yes, that becomes its own issue. But at a moderate level? That is just being a responsible, aware driver.

Even the research that flags anxious driving as a concern tends to focus on drivers who developed anxiety after a traumatic accident, not people who have generalized anxiety and have simply always driven carefully. There is a meaningful difference. _[4]

Your overthinking, your fear of crashing, your constant scanning of what every car around you is doing, that is what will make you a great driver. It keeps you present. It keeps you focused. It keeps you alive.

This is the reason for the 'Stop It. Overthinking.' sticker, which, yes, is also the name of this blog. Because sometimes you need a little reminder to yourself to tell the same brain that is keeping you hyperaware and safe to also please calm down a little. We are many things.

Let's Be Real: What Driving with Anxiety Actually Feels Like

The Tense Hands Thing

I grip the steering wheel way too tight sometimes. I have done this since day one, and eight months in, I still catch myself doing it. My hands tense up around the wheel like I am holding on for dear life, and I have to consciously remind myself: loosen up, and breathe, bitch.

This is incredibly common for anxious drivers. Muscle tension is a core physical anxiety response, your body bracing for an impact that isn't coming. _[5] The fix, as far as I can tell, is just noticing it. You cannot stop what you don't catch. So now I check in with my hands the same way I check my mirrors: regularly, as a habit.

The Zoning Out Thing

Here's the thing they don't tell you: zoning out while driving is not actually as scary as it sounds, because your brain is not fully checked out. It's operating on a kind of autopilot that still keeps you in the lane, still hits the brakes, still follows the flow of traffic. Researchers call this automaticity; the brain's ability to handle familiar tasks without full conscious engagement. _[6]

But when you have anxiety, you tend to snap back to full attention faster. Something shifts in traffic, a car brakes suddenly, someone cuts over — and I am immediately, fully present. That combination of background awareness plus rapid reactivation is actually useful.

That said, I do make an effort to stay present. I actively look around. I check my mirrors. I try not to go fully internal when I'm on the road because of the anxiety, haha! I will say, I definitely did this as well when I was in NYC taking the subway — I would somehow end up at my destination without realizing the name of the subway station. It was wild.

The Radio Is Not a Distraction; It's a Regulation Tool

I listen to the radio when I drive. Always. And I used to feel slightly guilty about this, like maybe I should be in pure silence and total focus mode. But then I found the research and felt very vindicated.

A study from the University of Groningen found that background music actually helps drivers concentrate, particularly in monotonous traffic conditions. _[7] Importantly, when driving demands increased; like during a tricky maneuver or heavy traffic, drivers naturally tuned out the music and focused on the road. Your brain prioritizes. Safety wins.

Another study found that calming music can reduce respiration rate and overall stress levels while driving, making drivers less reactive and more steady. _[8] So yes, the radio calms me down. No, it is not distracting me. My brain knows when to set it aside, and so does yours.

Give Yourself Space: The Car Length Rule and the Tires Trick

One of the most important things I've learned: always give yourself at least one full car length of space between you and the car in front of you while moving — and at a red light or full stop, leave enough room that you can see the rear tires of the car ahead touching the pavement. If you can see their tires, you have enough space to maneuver out if you need to.

This is not just a Rosa rule; it's backed by the California DMV and safety organizations. _[9] The standard recommendation is the three-second rule: when the car ahead passes a fixed point, you should be able to count three full seconds before you reach that same spot. In bad weather, increase that to four or five seconds. On the highway going over 45 mph, four seconds is the safer baseline. _[10]

Tailgating is one of the leading causes of rear-end collisions, and if you are anxious about crashing, the single easiest thing you can do is give yourself more room to react. Space is time. Time is safety.

Merging Lanes: The Thing I Planned Three Miles Ahead, Seriously!

If I know I need to exit or switch lanes, I start working toward that lane early. Not at the last second. Not in a panic. I try to position myself about one to three miles ahead so that I have time, space, and options.

This is not weakness. This is strategy. The people who cut across four lanes at the last possible second because they almost missed their exit are not confident drivers, they are chaotic drivers. Well, maybe they feel confident, but they are still chaotic. There is a difference. I would rather be the person who planned ahead than the person who caused an incident because they weren't paying attention.

We are not at the last-minute-lane-change level yet. And that is perfectly fine.

I also have a sticker that says 'Bestie, please let me merge before I start crying', found it on Etsy and it found me at the right time. It is the most accurate thing I have ever put on my vehicle, well the only thing I've put on it. If you are in traffic next to someone who needs to merge, just let them in. Be the person you needed when you were learning. And I always leave enough space that people feel like they can merge so I am aware that it is a possibility.

The Trucks

I have a complicated relationship with trucks. Specifically the big metal ones whose beds are full of loose materials that absolutely could become projectiles at highway speed. I see those trucks and I immediately think about every road debris accident I have ever seen footage of, and I move over. Non-negotiable.

But here is what I have learned: trucks can also be your friend in traffic. A big truck clearing the path ahead of you? It is like having a very large, very slow escort. Just give yourself enough space to not be tailgating them, because their stopping distance is very different from yours, and you need room to react.

The ones that really stress me out are the ones carrying things that are only partially secured. If I can see something shifting in that truck bed, I am getting out of that lane immediately. Final Destination was a documentary.

People Who Don't Signal

You will learn quickly that most people do not use their turn signals. They will switch lanes with absolutely no warning and you will have to anticipate it anyway, because you were watching them and noticed the drift before the move happened.

This will be annoying. You will develop a quiet, very private vocabulary for these moments. Mine involves saying 'fucker' under my breath, softly, and then moving on. It is a healthy coping mechanism and I stand by it. I do not have road rage, and for the most part I forget to honk at people when they do this, or when they almost cause me to hit or almost hit me.

Let Them Pass

If someone wants to go faster than you and you are already at the speed limit, let them pass. Move over, let them go, and continue at your pace. You are not responsible for enforcing the speed limit. That is not your job.

Drive the speed limit. Don't go under it unless conditions require it — rain, fog, construction, everyone slowing. But don't feel pressured to exceed it to make someone behind you comfortable. Their comfort is not your problem. And drive at the speed of traffic when required, that will make sense once you are driving and you read the manual.

Taking Professional Lessons: Do It

If you are learning to drive, please take professional lessons. I mean this sincerely.

Learning from a family member or friend sounds free, but it comes with costs that don't show up on a receipt: the tension, the fear of making a mistake in front of someone who knows you, the way their anxiety becomes your anxiety, the dynamic that makes it hard to learn because you're also managing the relationship.

A professional instructor does not have a personal stake in your performance beyond actually teaching you. They are patient. They know how to explain the real rules; not the 'well I've always done it this way' rules. They have dual controls. And they will not yell at you.

I learned to drive around the Koreatown/LA area, and this was my instructor. Kabir! He is great! You are able to pay extra to use his car for your driving exam. He is flexible, and you can see all the rates on his site. I highly recommend him, and tell him I have a car, and aren't as scared of the highway as much.

And Los Angeles…

Also I have yet to drive to LA! LA is scary, because people can be extremely impatient, and rude. I visit LA now from Riverside. I haven't driven there because I see the drivers there while walking around and they give me more anxiety with the lack of safety or precautions people are not taking. I have not convinced myself to drive there yet. I will someday, but for now we take the Metrolink to visit friends and any business related needs. I have driven to Irvine and a majority of the Inland Empire.

Where I Am Now

I kind of hate driving. I want to be honest about that too. It is not my favorite activity. It is still a little scary. Merging onto the highway still makes me a bit anxious, especially when you have to merge from one lane to two other ones like when it's 3 highways turning to one.

But I am good at it. I did not expect to feel this way, and yet here I am: a good, safe, careful driver who is more confident every single week. I do not feel like I am going to crash the way I used to. Not because I think nothing can happen, but because I trust myself to respond well if something does. The fear that used to feel paralyzing now just keeps me sharp. I have prevented many crashes/accidents from happening, not because I was going to cause the accident but because they were driving into me as I was having the right of way into an unprotected left turn, or they didn't signal at merging, etc. It's the being proactive while driving that has kept me alive, the hyperawareness.

I got my license at 36. I started driving at 36. And I am out here every day, actively looking around, checking my mirrors, giving trucks space, leaving room to see the tires in front of me, letting speeders pass, and saying 'fucker' quietly to myself when someone cuts me off without a signal.

We got here. Slowly, carefully, and on our own timeline. That counts. I hope this helps to encourage anyone that is still trying or wanting to get their license to get it or start to think about it, now that you have some insight from a fellow anxious worrier. If you have any further questions or think of something that worries your mind, feel free to send me a DM, I'd be happy to chat about it.

Made with love and your salud mental in mind.

— Educated Chola

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. For Spanish-language support, press 2.

Sources

[1] Cleveland Clinic. Always on Alert: Causes and Examples of Hypervigilance (2023). https://health.clevelandclinic.org/hypervigilance

[2] Gotardi, G.C. et al. Adverse effects of anxiety on attentional control differ as a function of experience: A simulated driving study. Applied Ergonomics, Vol. 74 (2019). https://researchportal.port.ac.uk/en/publications/adverse-effects-of-anxiety-on-attentional-control-differ-as-a-fun/

[3] Baker, A. et al. Anxiety and depression in relation to anxious driving and driver behaviors. PMC (2025). https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12228188/

[4] Clapp, J.D. et al. Properties of the Driving Behavior Survey Among Individuals with Motor Vehicle Accident-Related PTSD. PMC (2014). https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4026290/

[5] Charlie Health. Therapist-Approved Ways to Manage Driving Anxiety (2026). https://www.charliehealth.com/post/driving-anxiety

[6] Gotardi, G.C. et al. Adverse effects of anxiety on attentional control differ as a function of experience. Applied Ergonomics, Vol. 74 (2019). https://researchportal.port.ac.uk/en/publications/adverse-effects-of-anxiety-on-attentional-control-differ-as-a-fun/

[7] Unal, A.B. et al. University of Groningen — Listening to music while driving has very little effect on driving performance. ScienceDaily (2013). https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/06/130606101550.htm

[8] Dibben, N. & Williamson, V.J. The influence of music on mood and performance while driving. Ergonomics, 55(1) (2012). Via: Driving Fear Help. https://drivingfearhelp.com/how-listening-to-music-while-driving-impacts-your-driving-anxiety/

[9] California DMV. Section 8: Safe Driving — Following Distance. https://www.dmv.ca.gov/portal/handbook/california-driver-handbook/safe-driving/ | Arash Law. Safe Distance to Stop from the Car in Front of You at a Light (2026). https://arashlaw.com/what-is-a-safe-distance-to-stop-from-the-car-in-front-of-you-at-a-light/

[10] Travelers Insurance. 3-Second Rule for Safe Following Distance. https://www.travelers.com/resources/auto/travel/3-second-rule-for-safe-following-distance | National Safety Council: Three seconds is the minimum; five seconds is even better.